A Day At The Zoo!
by JayJayHale
Summary: It’s Emmett’s birthday his human birthday but come on it is Emmett and he wants to celebrate it with his family at the zoo! Hilarity ensues as the Cullen’s try to keep Emmett in line while still allowing him to enjoy his bday. No Ness. Bella's a Vamp


**A Day At The Zoo!**

**It's Emmett's birthday (his human birthday but come on it is Emmett we're talking about) and he wants to celebrate it with his family at the zoo! Hilarity ensues as the Cullen's try to keep Emmett in line while still allowing him to enjoy his birthday. Told in everyone's POV.**

**No Renessmee but Bella is a vampire!**

**Alice's POV**

"Okay, you take first watch."

"Na uh, Alice, you take it. I want to spend some time with Bella."

"Fine, but you owe me Edward."

"Whatever."

I looked at my brother and then sighed.

_This is going to be a long day!_

"Agreed!" Edward said answering my silent thought and shaking his head slightly.

"Is everyone READY?" Emmett bellowed at us. His chest expanded with happiness, and the excitement was positively ballooning out of every pore in his body. It was utterly sickening. No one answered him, instead they turned to stare listlessly at their surroundings.

"Jazz, a little help here."

Suddenly excitement filled my very being, and I started hoping around like the Energiser Bunny. Bella and Rose were squealing in each other arms while Edward was pumping his fist in the air. Emmett looked around, evidently pleased, and was grinning like a madman. People were openly staring at us now. I knew we must have looked very weird. I mean eight grown adults acting like teenagers would be something worth staring at.

"That's better. Now let's go."

Everybody cheered which resulted in more strange looks from the humans. If I wasn't so god damn excited I would have been mortified.

We were standing outside the entrance of San Diego Zoo. This is all Emmett's fault. Yeah I get that it's his birthday albeit his human birthday, but why does he have to continue to act like he is four years old. And by some weird act of cosmic hate on us it was severely overcast today.

_Mother nature I shake my fist at you. _

Luckily overcast days meant less humans so less chance of being embarrassed or noticed, which ever came first. The last of Jazz's false excitement wore off, and I turned sharply on my heel and stared daggers at him. He grinned at me before pulling me into a tight cuddle.

_Damn him!_

I could never stay angry at him. He was just to dang cute. We paid for our tickets and passed through the gates. Emmett was bouncing on the balls of his feet and grinning wildly at me.

"Come on Ally. You ready? You ready? Come on, come on."

I moaned and slipped out of Jasper's arm.

"Are you doing this Jazz?" I asked warily glancing at Emmett.

"No," Jazz laughs, "that is all Emmett."

_Lord have mercy._

"Alright let's go Em-"

Before I finished saying his name he grabbed my arm and began to tow me towards the monkey exhibit. I could hear the rest of my family chuckling to themselves. I dug my heels into the ground which didn't stop me from actually being pulled along by Emmett. I twisted my body and shot everyone a pointed look.

"Oh you just wait you'll get your turn, and it wont be pretty," I yelled over my shoulder. I watch as Bella glanced nervously at Edward who tried to reassure her.

"I should know," I screamed tapping my head. They all froze and a look of fear crossed all of their faces simultaneously.

_Yeah stew on that!_

I already knew what was going to happen so I sighed inwardly, and let Emmett drag me as fast as he could without the humans noticing.

"I love monkeys Alice. Do you like monkeys?"

I nodded mutely not actually listening to his juvenile chattering. We reached the monkey exhibit, and I briefly told Emmett that they were actually chimpanzees. Emmett rolled his eyes and stated that animals didn't actually care what they were called as long as they got fed. I had to say he did have a point. Emmett started leaning over the wall waving his arms at the chimps.

"Hey monkeys. I'm here! Look over here."

Surprisingly the chimps all looked up, watching Emmett make a fool of himself

_Yeah we come to the zoo and Emmett is the one everyone is staring at._

_Animals included. _

Emmett was making a massive fool of himself, and in no time attracted the attention of one of the larger chimps. I turned around and slouched against the wall. I pulled my sunglasses down trying to blend into the wall, but I knew that no amount of blending short of invisibility was going to help me.

**Bella's POV**

I watched the lion roar at us and giggled into Edward's arms. Edward gave me an extra squeeze.

"What is so funny love?"

"Just, you know when I was a human, lions were kinda scary. Now he looks like a wittle kitty," I said making kissing noises at the lion. He lifted his mouth and snarled at me. I tensed, and I hissed back.

"Bella," Edward warned.

"Sorry," I murmured, sticking my tongue out at the king of the jungle. Edward chuckled.

"You've been spending too much time with Emmett these days."

"And that's a bad thing, why?" Emmett bellowed as he walked up behind Edward and whacked him hard on the back. Edward rolled his eyes and pulled me tighter.

"Where's Alice?" I asked. Emmett grinned like the big boof he was.

"Well she went to the ladies room to clean herself up."

I felt Edward shaking around me, and I pulled back and realized he was snickering.

"Emmett! I can't believe you had a poo fight with some chimps."

"Hey they started it. One of em got all up in my territory, and I was like 'hey slow your roll monkey dude', and the next thing I knew there was shit flying all over the place. Literally."

"And Alice got hit?" I asked trying to hold the laughter that threatened to spill from my mouth.

"Yeah in her hair, seriously those monkeys can play for the majors. They were flinging it so fast even I was having trouble keeping up."

I giggled then stopped. Alice would have my head if she saw me laughing at her expense. Mind you she had laughed at my embarrassment on quite a few occasions so I didn't feel so bad.

Emmett looked nonchalantly at the lion before turning to me, and clapping his hands together.

"You ready Bel-bel?" he asked excitingly.

I smiled up at Edward, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and held my hand out towards Emmett. Emmett's giant hand closed around my own, and he started to pull me off down a empty path. I glanced back at Edward, and he hollered after Emmett that he should be careful with his wife. I giggled when Emmett mumbled, "Me be careful? Who ripped off whose arm last year!"

Last year Emmett had walked in on Edward and I in a compromising position on Carlisle's desk. Needless to say we didn't hear the end of it for weeks. I finally had enough and confronted him. The result; I pulled one of his arms off and beat him with it. In my defense I did warn him I was going to do it though.

"I'm hungry," Emmett grumbled rubbing his belly. I felt the flash of burn in my throat, and I pulled hard on Emmett's hand.

"No Emmett not here. Besides you've just hunted."

Emmett rolled his eyes.

"I want cotton candy."

I stared at him like he was dumb.

"Emmett you can't be serious?"

Like a toddler Emmett suddenly flung himself to the ground and slammed his fists into the path. His legs kicked at weird angles, and his face was scrunched in anger.

"IwantitIwantitIwantitIwantit."

I looked around embarrassed by his temper tantrum. People were starting to stop and stare at him.

"Okay, okay! But if it gets stuck in your gut, do not blame me."

**Rosalie's POV**

I hate the zoo. Of all the places to celebrate my husband's birthday he had to choose the fucking zoo. It was the worst place for vegetarian vampires to hang out. Even though we hunted more before we came the scent of all the animals burned in my throat, and I was constantly swallowing venom.

I walked down to where I was to meet Emmett and Bella. Bella was there beside a trash can and… my husband's head was buried _in _the trashcan.

"What the fuck are you doing Emmett?"

Bella gave me a sheepish look, rubbing circles over Emmett's back and crooning to him. I heard Emmett hurl in the can.

_Emmett was hurling. What the fuck?_

"He ate cotton candy," Bella explained.

"He ate what?" I screeched. Emmett's head popped out of the can, and he grinned at me.

"Hey Rosie, I ate cotton candy," he said proud as punch. Despite myself I smiled. Whenever he flashed those dimples I damn near melted.

"And why did you do that?"

Bella sighed. "Jasper dared him to. I only just found out."

"All men are idiots, and I married their king," I said flinging my hands into the air. Emmett stood up and raised his arms above his head and into the air.

"Woo! I'm the king!" he cried.

I looked at him stupidly, "Of idiots!"

Emmett lowered his arms and looked confused.

"Youre point?"

Bella covered her mouth to suppress her giggle, and I shook my head.

"Arh well touché, husband touché."

I turned briefly to Bella, and she grimaced under my stare. Despite becoming a vampire four years ago, she still was a tiny bit intimidated by me.

"Bella, why did you let him eat human food? Especially cotton candy you know that shit gets stuck for ages."

Bella stood up straighter and pointed a finger at me. Despite being a little bit intimidated by me she refused to be pushed around by anyone.

"Hey have you met your husband? Emmett will do what he wants unless it is a direct order from you. So when you're not there he gets a little loopy."

Emmett bobbed his head agreeing with Bella. I rolled my eyes at the both of them.

"And you know that Emmett doesn't back down from a dare," Bella added smirking at me and crossing her arms. I nodded and pointed harshly at Emmett.

"All right mister. If you vomit while I'm with you, you are cut off. Got it?.

Emmett suddenly looked green, and I knew it wasn't cause of the cotton candy. He nodded and clutched at his belly. We said goodbye to Bella, and I pulled Emmett towards the petting area. It was for little children, and I knew Emmett couldn't get into that much trouble around human kids.

Once inside most of the animals pulled away from Emmett and I. But Emmett tried his best to coax a few goats over to us. A few bravely came up to him before skittering away. This happened a few times before they allowed Emmett to actually pat them. Goats were obviously really, really dumb.

Suddenly Emmett grabbed one of the goats in a headlock, and my stomach jumped. He pulled it closer to his mouth, and I was about to yell at him when he started to laugh.

"Hey Rosie, you've always wanted kids," he hollered at me smooshing his face up along with the baby goats. The resemblance was uncanny. They both had a dumbass look on the faces.

I snorted. Even though I should have been angry, Emmett always made me laugh. I giggled when Emmett turned the goat upside down and held it like a baby. It must have been in so much fear it didn't move.

"Who's the cutest wittle kid ever. You are, you are," Emmett cooed tickling the goat's belly. Just then one of the zoo staff yelled at Emmett to put the goat down. He grinned evilly at him before placing the goat down. It tottered slightly before leaping off to the other side of the enclosure. Emmett wrapped his arms around my waist, and I leaned back into him.

"If I could give you kids I would Rosie," he murmured.

"I know, baby. I know," I whispered.

"But I don't think Esme would be very happy with a herd of goats using her table as a climbing frame," he remarked wryly. I laughed, leant my head back and kissed him.

"Happy Birthday Emmett," I said kissing him again.

_My silly amazing husband._

**Jasper's POV**

I laughed so hard when Bella jumped on my back and told me about Emmett eating cotton candy. She punched me in the arm yelling that she had to smell that crap going in and going out of Emmett's mouth. I couldn't actually believe he did it. Then again it was Emmett.

"Why aren't you with Alice?" she asked as she jumped down.

"Oh well it's my turn with Emmett next, and I don't think she wants to see him yet."

"She's still mad isn't she?" Bella asked as she leaned over the gate to take a look at the meerkats. They all scattered at the sight of her, but after a few moments stuck their heads up inquisitively.

"Yeah you know Alice."

"That I do," Bella said smirking.

I turned around when I felt a burst of love permeate my being. Rose and Emmett were strolling down the path hand in hand. Rose was smiling up at Emmett, and Emmett grinned wildly at me. I groaned when I felt his excitement peak.

Bella chuckled as she danced down the path hooking her arm through Rose's and tugging her away from Emmett.

"Good luck Jazz," Bella sang as she and Rose skipped away giggling.

"Okay bro lets go do something manly," Emmett said smashing his fists together. I eyed him and then nodded my head. If he got to out of control I could pump him full of misery, and he'd be bawling his eyes out in seconds.

"What do you have in mind?"

Emmett's head whipped up, and I watched his nostrils flare. He looked down at me and grinned.

"Jasper can you smell that?"

I lifted my head and sniffed.

"Gross Emmett! You didn't wash the monkey scat of you."

Emmett rolled his eyes, "Nah no time. Smell again, man."

I did but stepped away from Emmett. I took a big whiff of our surroundings, and pinpointed the scent Emmett was no doubt talking about.

"It's a bear Emmett. What's the big deal?"

"Not just any bear Jazz a polar bear. I've never had a chance-"

"You are not wrestling a bear in the middle of the day in a zoo Emmett. Esme and Carlisle will have your head mounted on the living room wall."

Emmett huffed and crossed his arms. "Fine, let's go have a look anyway."

I nodded, and on the way to the polar bear enclosure we talked about sports. It was ridiculous the amount of time Emmett and I sat glued to the TV watching football, but when you have eternity, why not.

As we got to the enclosure, I looked around and saw two polar bears playing on the fake ice. I turned to remark how fun it would be if we could head up north to wrestle one of these guys when I notice Emmett leaning a little too far out.

_Oh shit!_

**Esme's POV**

I strolled around the ground with Carlisle silently making a list of all the renovations I wanted to do on Bella and Edward's new house. When Bella had finished going through her newborn stage she agreed that going to Dartmouth was a good idea. The entire family moved but separated into different houses. Couples were couples, and we played it off like we were all friends. It was a nice change for Carlisle and I to not be the older mature parents in our family. I loved being a mother to them. I would always consider them my children, but I was only a few years older than Emmett.

"I think it is time for you to meet Jasper and Emmett, Esme dear," Carlisle remarked, patting my hand. I nodded silently and leant in to kiss him. Carlisle suddenly wrapped his arm around my waist and deepened the kiss. I moaned into his mouth.

"Ew gross," Emmett bellowed. I broke off from Carlisle, and he mouthed 'later' to me. I giggled and nodded. Being away from our children made us act like we were on our honeymoon again.

I turned around to see Emmett covering his eyes, and Jasper looking everywhere but at Carlisle and I. My eyes turned back to Emmett, and I narrowed them.

"Emmett why are you wet?" I asked putting my hands on my hips. Emmett looked sheepishly up at me and explained how he accidentally fell in the polar bear enclosure. He assured us no human had seen him. Carlisle told him off, but because it was his birthday he relented on letting Emmett have it.

Carlisle turned back to me and patted my bottom. If I could blush I would have been a deep scarlet. Emmett choked, and Jasper groaned.

"Come on boys, how do you think you were conceived?" I teased. Carlisle chuckled from behind me while Jasper and Emmett looked thoroughly disgusted.

"Ok Mom let's go," Emmett pleaded shooting Carlisle strange glances. Carlisle ignored him and motioned Jasper to follow him. Jasper kissed me lightly on the cheek before following Carlisle.

When we were out of their sight Emmett suddenly took off. I froze shocked by his unexpected move. I followed his scent until I found him sitting with a zoo employee. She was pretty for a human, and she was patting Emmett on the back and telling him it would be all okay. I was confused and the confusion only deepened when Emmett threw back his head and sobbed loudly.

"I want my Mommy," he yowled. I stared at him, shocked to see him act so strangely. He brought his hand up and rubbed his sleeve across his eyes, wiping the tears that would not fall. The poor girl increased her patting and crooning to him.

"We'll find him honey, don't you worry," she assured him. I walked up carefully so as not to scare the girl.

"Emmett?" I said. Emmett's head snapped up, and he threw himself at me. He wrapped his arms around my legs and sobbed into my skirt. Instantly I brought my hand through his curls shushing him softly.

"Ma'am you should be more careful with your son," she admonished me. I stared at her shocked not knowing what to say.

"Mentally challenged people like Emmett here should never be let out of your sight," she continued.

_Mentally challenged?_

_Emmett?_

Beneath my hand I felt Emmett start to shake, and I knew he was laughing.

_Why that little shit!_

"I assure you it won't happen again," I murmured thinking of ways to punish Emmett for this. Maybe Rose would help. The girl nodded and huffed at me before rearranging her features so her face was soft again.

"Bye Emmett," she said patting him on the shoulder before turning and walking off down the path.

"You are in soo much trouble young man," I growled. Emmett looked up at me, the epitome of innocence.

**Carlisle's POV**

Jasper and I were talking about his interest in becoming a doctor. I was quite surprised that he even broached the subject, but he was coming along in leaps and bounds in regards to his bloodlust. We both agreed that in maybe a few decades we would attempt it, but that didn't stop us discussing it extensively with each other.

We turned the corner to find Emmett on his knees, and Esme twisting his ear and growling at him. I had never seen Esme so angry at Emmett before. Emmett was muttering that he was sorry, and his eyes snapped open when he heard our approach.

"Carlisle," he shrieked, and Jasper sniggered. Esme's head bounced up, and she sighed with relief. She released her hold on him and smiled warmly at me. I returned her smile but questioned her with my eyes. She shook her head indicating she would tell me later. Esme and I had been together for so long and were so in tuned with each other words were rarely needed.

Jasper chuckled as he led Esme away. I clapped my hand over Emmett's back and grinned at him.

"I think it's time for a father son talk."

Emmett looked utterly confused. While it was his birthday I did not want to ruin this day for him by telling him off for distressing Esme. I could cause him to feel such embarrassment he would want to never be rude to her again. He groaned as I turned him towards the panda enclosure.

**Edward's POV**

Alice shifted listlessly on her seat, and I laughed.

"Oh come on Alice. You knew it was happening. How could you not duck your head?" I said chuckling as Alice stuck her tongue out. She huffed and ran her fingers through her damp hair.

"One of those damn chimps changed his mind in the last moment that's how."

Bella collapsed into giggles while I tried hard not to join her.

"Oh yeah laugh it up guys. Nice to know my family cares," Alice said pouting like a four year old. Bella immediately stopped laughing and hugged Alice.

"Oh you know we love you Al," she murmured into her ear. Alice grinned and threw a fry at me. I dodged it easily.

_Edward come on man lets go before Carlisle kills me with this shit._

I looked up to see Emmett and Carlisle at the entrance of the small cafeteria. I let out a chuckle when I heard what Carlisle had been lecturing Emmett about. Bella looked up and waved at them as they walked over to us. Carlisle grinned at me.

_You had better behave as well son otherwise you can look forward to a similar talk._

I grimaced. Regardless on how long I had lived with Carlisle no one, and I mean no one should be submitted to a talk about sexual positions with their father figure. I pushed my plate away purchased only to keep up our charade and kissed Bella on the cheek.

"What? No kiss for me Edward," Alice cooed.

"Hey! If Alice gets a kiss, I get a kiss too," Emmett said. I looked at him in disgust. Emmett rolled his eyes.

"Gross dude. Bella, I get a kiss from Bella," he clarified. Bella chuckled darkly.

"Oh you want a kiss Emmett? I'll kiss you, but are you sure you want Rose to find out? You should know I don't like to hold back these days."

Alice and I laughed while Carlisle shook his head. I slugged Emmett in the arm, and it shook him out of his internal war. He was debating whether it was worth the wrath of Rose. I snarled at him, and he held up his hands.

_Hey she offered man. Got to consider the options._

"Okay let's get everyone else and head home," Carlisle said as Alice and Bella cleared away our rubbish and threw our uneaten food in the trash.

"We'll meet you in the gift shop," Emmett called as we headed out of the eatery.

"The gift shop Emmett?"

"Yeah I got to get some mementos of today."

I grumbled but followed him into the gift shop. The air conditioned air felt unnatural on my tongue, and I felt slightly stifled. Emmett suddenly started grabbing all sorts of items. I walked around the bamboo shoots that were centred in the middle of the side.

"Boo!"

Bella giggled as she peeked out from behind the bamboo. I opened my arms and she raan into them.

"I missed you," I murmured into her strawberry scented hair. She smacked me lightly on the chest.

"Um what is Emmett doing?" Bella asked peeking out from under my arm. I turned slightly and groaned.

_You can not be serious? _

**Third Person POV**

They walked out of the gift shop dressed head to toe in gift shop accessories. On anyone else they would have looked utterly stupid, but these people pulled it off with ease. The man with the vibrant blonde hair wore an 'I love San Diego Zoo and I'm not lion' shirt and was holding a panda straw cup. He looked down at the woman with coffee coloured hair and smiled at her. She chuckled as she smoothed her top with butterflies all over it and adjusted the large tribal vase sitting snugly under her arm.

The spiky haired one who danced out of the door had on one of the Junior Zoo keeper outfits on. They were made for children, but she was so small she easily fit into one. She finished it off with a pair of aviators. She giggled as she twirled around a tall man with shaggy blonde hair. He chuckled at her antics, and she pulled lightly on his shirt. It had a great ape's face printed on it, and he looked up as a giant of a man and a goddess walked out. The goliath smiled and waved a boomerang at him, and they both nodded and laughed. He wore a similar shirt to the man the pixie was wrapped around, but it was fitted enhancing his muscles. The goddess wore a tightly fitted v neck shirt that had pandas printed on it. She said something to the pixie, and they both burst out laughing.

The bronze haired man and the beauty he was wrapped around walked out last. They were staring deeply into each other eyes oblivious to the world around them. He wore a black sweatshirt with the zoo's logo printed on the chest and in one hand held a large gift bag choked with items. The young woman wore a blue version of the man's sweatshirt, and despite it's bulkiness it enhanced her appeal. Under her arm she hugged a large stuffed lion.

They all stood around laughing, and jostling each other. A lot of attention was paid to the goliath and he reviled in it. He pulled a hat out of his small gift bag and put it on. It was a the same design as his shirt with the exception of it had printed THINK on it. The bronzed haired man said something and they all laughed before turning towards the gate.

**Emmett's POV**

BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!!

The End!


End file.
